Odious Ode to Women

So, I admit...I'm not the proudest woman in the world.  I sometimes complain because my ovaries hate me and that I have to shave basically my entire body or my bra is poking. I deem it unfair that ladies, who are so friendly and full of love have to suffer for 9 months carrying around a parasite that eventually grows to the size of a watermelon only then to be exhumed from a crying uterus. BUT, I'll stop the grotesque... (although if you are a male and think that you could defy the distress of a woman by debating your manly suffering, BRING IT ON.)

Look! It's a cute little cuddly uterus pillow! And it's on sale!

That is not the purpose of this post.
I have been humbled. AND am proud of the many womanly things that I can do that a man has generally no right to, unless he wishes to live in contempt as I will most likely judge him.

Exhibit A.

Painting my nails.  I just bought a fabulous new nail polish and I'm so thrilled!  Sure, I didn't budget the $9 and the hour it took to apply it might have been in vain if it only lasts for 2 days before it starts chipping which then I'll have to spend another 30 minutes removing it completely with a cotton swab, or toilet paper that shreds, if I've run out...BUT, it is a fascinating shade of shimmery gold that makes me feel magical. 

B.

Jewelry.  I am addicted to earrings.  I have pairs from all around the world and they make for an excellent conversation starter (if they draw the compliments that I wear them for ;)).  BUT, seriously, they can jazz up any old boring outfit.  And even if I'm dressed in a t-shirt, I can put on a simple pair of earrings and still feel as if I have class.  (unless it's one of those free college t-shirts...not even earrings can help those.)

C.

Makeup.  Alright, I'm also disregarding the time, money, skill, and technique that this requires in order to say that mascara and eyeliner can turn my sleep deprived face into a 'pretend I'm a responsible employable smart person'!  And when you add eyeshadow, some foundation, and some lip gloss, I've got myself a hot date!  (Even if it's only going to the grocery store...by myself...at least everyone else can assume otherwise!)

because we all know this
is a good look for me!

D.

I can totally cuddle with my best friend and tell her she's beautiful and even dance with her.  Unless your best friend is a female, sorry boys...it's likely you'll be judged (Unless you live in Georgia (the country)! Those men have no qualms embracing their bromance-masculinity.)

E.

Wear skirts and/or wear pants.  Preface this by saying, life would be more fair if we could just wear sweat pants everywhere, but since I am no longer in college or in a field where this is reasonably allowed, I have found a dazzling array of colorful skirts can brighten the gloom of having to get dressed like a normal person.  However, if skirts still seem to lack appeal, as they do somedays, I can just as easily find a good pair of pants from the recesses of my closet.  That's right...I can wear pants, skirts, dresses, shorts, capris, bermudas...it can get overwhelming.  But, I'm thankful for diversity!

because we all know the only kind of skirt we really want to wear...even you guys.

EE.  ALSO, Heels.  Who hasn't wanted to be 3 inches taller...and pretend they are excellent at balancing on their toes.

HOLY AWESOME BATMAN!!
I know these make even some of you guys jealous! 

F. Blame it all on PMS.
Sorry guys. When you have a bad day...it just sucks. If I do...It's because life said so and I will be normal on Monday...or after ice cream and chocolate.

wouldn't this be better if it just stopped at kissing...?

Internet memes justify anything!!

SO, although it's not easy all the time, I can put on some dangly earrings, paint my nails, find a fancy skirt and get away with murder....and then enjoy a nice bowl of ice cream.

It's good to be a girl!

Taiwan - the place where you bike your dog, you eat bananas on everything, and the ice cream truck actually picks up your trash.

Holy Hannah Montana! It’s the middle of April. Seriously, time is like chocolate…you can never have enough and it always disappears when I’m around.

So, I told you how I ended up here. I suppose it’s now time to tease you with the terrific tails happening only in Taiwan.

How I realized I wasn’t in Eastern Europe:

Took a taxi on a lovely rainy night on my first day in Taipei; the driver did not propose, did not accuse me of being a spy, or even talk about his life long dream to move to America. However, he was watching a Chinese Soap Opera on his dashboard WHILE HE WAS DRIVING. Productivity at it’s finest.

Commercialism:

I am sexy. I mean…you know how in most of the world advertising is done with a half-naked woman + somewhere you might notice a product being sold? SO, a majority of the advertisements here are women with seemingly innocent smiles in glasses. BAM!! Taiwanese sexy - you can keep your clothes on!!! And you kind of have to. It’s basically summer weather…and as much as I want to wear my skirts and shorts and yes even try to read an existential book to motivate the job-search while sunbathing…

MOSQUITOES WILL DESTROY YOUR HAPPINESS.

Yeah, basically the only two flaws I’ve found in this country:

1. Mosquitoes. (I wear bug spray to bed. I feel like Johnson and Johnson’s stock doubled just since I moved here…I WILL DONATE ALL OF MY MONEY TO SOMEONE WILLING TO FIND A CURE FOR MOSQUITOES and any other vampire bug that exits.)
2. Popcorn. (Guys, popcorn is natures way to party. And then Orville came along and made a party in a bag.) We planned a movie night with some friends and although I was excited to see the 2nd Captain America, I was really more excited about getting movie-theater popcorn. I was craving it for almost a week before someone finally suggested a movie night and it didn’t take long to convince me once I realized I could get popcorn! If you have ever lived with me, you have probably witnessed popcorn being consumed for dinner, lunch, or breakfast. Maybe rarely once for all three. I LOVE POPCORN!! SO, I told my friends that although we were running late I’m not sitting down until I have the biggest bag of popcorn they sell. They only had one size…(I don’t care, give me popcorn)…you have to buy a coke with it…(I don’t care!!! GIVE ME POPCORN!!)…and they only sell kettle corn. WHAT? Where’s the butter? I ALREADY HAD 7 bars of chocolate and lemon-wafers today. FINE. Give me popcorn.
   Don’t get me wrong. Kettle Corn can be enjoyed on occasions. BUT, at least let me have the option of why I have to run an extra 3 miles the next day. Needless to say, craving was not cured. Nor will it be for a few more months.

But, I will gladly sacrifice popcorn and a few more pints of my blood to those darn mosquitoes to put up with the stunning, jaw-dropping beauty of this island. Rice fields, ocean, water-falls, mountains, rocks, and it’s all surrounded in luscious greenery. All I can say is that this world ceases to amaze me…imagine if I were an astronaut! (Hopefully in my next life…)

Sunday afternoon at the coast!

AND I NOW PROMISE TO BE MORE CONSISTENT to share literally the adventures had in Taiwan including beautiful islands, barf barges to get to said islands, hikes, dives, runs, bikes, food, and friends! AND ICE CREAM/TRASH TRUCKS and DOGS/BABIES on scooters! That is…as long as I have the time and the chocolate.