Crazy Couch Hoarders in DC

I don't think I have ever promised to keep people updated, because I don't like breaking promises.  But, if you missed it...I just moved to DC.  Well, technically Alexandria, VA but I am hoping to find a job in DC like dog-sitting - preferably Bo, Obama's Portuguese water dog, and then he'll see what a trustworthy and responsible person I am and will ask me to be his new bodyguard (aren't they hiring?).  Gotta have options, guys (that's my only one right now...but, I'm still working on it).

Dude...I live here...well not there, but kind of close!

Anyways.  Moving is a big deal.  You sometimes need stuff (at least toilet paper) but I only had my car so, I filled it up with other life things, decided to buy/borrow toilet paper as needed, and headed across the country.  It was a splendid trip with a brief stop in Knoxville, Tennessee. (Does anyone else think Mississippi and Tennessee had a competition for who could be most repetitive?).  There was a civil war special exhibit and we totally saw Abe Lincoln!  Apparently he was fond of the south? (hmm, my recollection of history must be a little foggy)

If there was a sexiest man alive back in the 1800s, pretty sure Mr. Abe would win...

But, once I finally arrived in the beautiful state of VA, I decided I should probably actually use the room I was renting and somehow acquire the 'essentials' instead of just sleeping on my roommate's couch.

THANK YOU CRAIGSLIST!!  I wish I could tell you about the exciting people I met whilst on my own adventure and the crazy truck rental and the first time where a lack of elevators caused an existential life crisis making me question the reality of life.  But, then you would miss the story about how my roommates and I ended up with 5 couches.

I will preface this by saying, I adore my roommates!  However, one girl will soon be moving and that's sad for so many reasons, one of which (and this is definitely at the bottom of the list) is that she owns both sets of EXTREMELY COMFY cute and cozy cuddling-worthy couches.  (The only reason why I actually got a bed was because her couches would be gone at the end of the month...)

So, since I had rented a big truck to haul stuff, my roommates and I decided to find a couch as well.  AND we did!! (again...we totally hit up craigslist. And for all of you who are judging, your scorn means nothing to me.) It was perfect and fluffy and classy and would make a nice replacement and It was ours!  Until the day of our scheduled pickup when the girl messaged back replying that a misunderstanding caused her roommate to give it away to a friend.  C'est la vie. 

WELL, thankfully there were about 200 trillion other couches (yes - many of them even free).  AND we got busy (this was already past 9:30 pm).  Mostly because we ONLY had the truck for a limited time, so we messaged every couch owner that seemed to be disease-free hoping that we would get at least one perfect stranger whose schedule was conducive to ours and would gladly let us come even at midnight if we had to so that we would have a couch to call our own.  We probably sounded more desperate than we actually were...but it worked.  By 11:30 pm we had an appointment to pick up a couch at 7:15 am.

By 6:30 the next morning (yes, we woke up at 6 am to acquire said couch) we had two additional invitations to retrieve couches from garages and porches.  They weren't the best options, but we wanted something for our guests to sleep on when they come visit! (AND YOU WILL COME VISIT!)

First couch - we had no picture, so we stopped by at 0650 to stalk couch on front porch.  It was red it wouldn't do, so we left it and went further.

Second couch - we committed to pick up at a comfy cozy couch at 0715, although it wasn't our favorite, when it's Free...you take what you can get.  We met a cute little family preparing for their day as their 2 year old daughter, eating cheerios, watched us carry a couch out her front door.  I think even she could tell we were crazy...just walking off with her couch.

Third couch - the picture actually looked nice, so we thought we have 2 couches to replace, we can get 2 couches.  We arrived at the garage at 0820 and notified a man named Al of our presence.  But, upon inspection of the couch, we realized it was just mediocre...and tried to hide our disdain as Al dug through the trash to find the legs (that's totally normal, our disdain was most likely for the couch).  We felt obliged and decided to load it up as well, hoping we could clean it up and hide it in our basement.  At least it came with what looked like a comfy mattress...and maybe after our fairy godmother graced it with a wave of her magic wand, we could invite even more friends to visit!  (So, When are you coming??)

BAHAHA!! Sorry, just ironic...I do need a job, you know... ;)

It was about this time when we were breaking our backs lifting this sucker into our truck (no, Al did not help us, although he did cut us some slabs of wood to put under the sofa, since his efforts at dumpster diving were in vain), that we received a new notification.

Once loaded and enroute back home, I checked and squealed!  Our dream couch, not the first one that stood us up, but an even fancier, bigger - perfect for collecting popcorn kernels, loose change, and random socks - better couch was available for us to pick-up at our convenience.  Wiping the sweat off our brows, my roommate and I looked at each other and agreed that we had to have it.  Surely there were other couch hunters that could relieve us of our surplus.

don't worry, we did not get this couch...

However, we needed room in our truck especially since, the owner of this perfectly plump couch warned us about 27 times that this was heavy and bulky.  BUT, we were experts by now and cast all concern to Canada, where they could use a few more things to worry about now that winter is over...maybe?

0900 we started unloading the previously acquired cushions and couches into our backyard, hopefully hiding them from our neighbors who complain even if we set the trash out 10 minutes early.

It was also that time where the previous 200 trillion couch owners on craigslist started to reply.  GUYS.  We could start our own couch garden.  We were overwhelmed, but knew we had to focus.

1045 ish we rolled into a gated complex (only people who own awesome couches could live there) and found the 3rd floor apartment (yes we were warned, but we had basically just started our own moving company).  I love stairs.  This was one time, where going up was so much more fun than coming down.  OH MY GOSH, another existential crisis ensued as I imagined I was dating superman so he could carry me on the couch down the stairs. Sigh. That is not my life. (yet...)  Once we got half of the couch down stairs...yeah, we are beasts...or just crazy...admittedly, we started with the lightest pieces, we rolled and dragged and pushed all the others out into the balcony to wait until we felt ambitious enough.  But, we didn't.

We were defeated.  The last 2 sectionals were made out of plutonium.  Thus, we went on a search for superman, although even Gaston would suffice at this point.  No lie.  It was a bustling complex with what seemed like a plethora of burly men out ready to work.  After walking around for a couple minutes, we found such man with beautiful eyes, also struggling to retrieve a ginormous deluxe mattress out from a garage.  We approached and brilliantly offered to exchange help for help!  (at this point, we would have just kissed him for help). He benevolently accepted and instantly became our hero.  We walked him over and up as he courageously took on the challenge.  He shall be praised for his determination because after some intense lifting, dragging, pulling, maybe some swearing, and a lot of sweating we succeeded in loading our 3rd couch into our truck.

We also invited him to join our moving company, but since we only had the truck for a few more hours and he was also becoming a renowned sous chef at the one and only Oyamel in DC, we decided instead to enjoy a wonderful Mexican dinner next week, where we can again thank Kevin for his kindness!

SO, our logic, incase you struggle to interpret crazy: we only needed one couch; but our favorite couch didn't become available until we already had two inferior couches in our possession. We weren't trying to become couch hoarders, it just happened in our attempt to obtain the perfect couch.

Okay.  There were definitely more details excluded, but it was definitely an adventure of epic proportions and couches.  Now, we have a couch for each roommate...and still one to share. Hopefully this week someone will be as desperate as we were and come to claim those we can live without...if we can...
MEANWHILE, who is coming to party on our couches?

This post is brought to you by Lysol, Budget Truck Rental, and a nifty red vacuum cleaner.