Since I'll be leaving Taiwan, I decided I needed to glory in the lusciousness of the island with one final hoo-rah. I had a few options, and although my original plan fell through (no it wasn't swimming with sharks...that was Plan F), plan B was just as amiable.
Friday night I made arrangements to go white-water rafting down the Xiuguluan (in case you are like me and have no idea how to pronounce it, you can just say: the ChickityChinatheChineseChickLaun) river. (they understand...) Anyways, I enjoy white-water rafting. I wouldn't say I'm an expert by any means. But, I did grow up in Arkansas, the natural state, (said like you should actually know what that means) famous for the white-river, buffalo river, Arkanas river, and et al. (humor me. It's been a year since I finished grad school and haven't written an academic paper since). The best experience rafting was in CA down the Truckee river with 4+ rapids and awesome guides that taught us how to paddle through or duck inside, while they made balancing on a raft seem like reading a book in a hammock. (Only a really skilled person can claim mastery of the hammock). (Side note: I bought a hammock in Cambodia!)
Okay, so back in Taiwan, I caught a bus and found a lovely group of people from Hong Kong heading to the river with me. They helped translate for me, although they technically don't speak Mandarin. Let's get this cultural lesson over with: In Hong Kong, people speak Cantonese. But, since it's almost technically China (as of the 70s with fulfillment in 2040s) many of them can understand Mandarin. However, Taiwan (also in a territorial dispute with China) speaks traditional Mandarin which is slightly different than simplified Chinese spoken in China China (and possibly by the Chinese ChickLaun). SO, basically really none of us understood what was going on. (and really, world? I think just trying to figure out this crazy planet is more difficult than maneuvering a category 5 rapid.)
After a lovely drive down the coast of Taiwan, we made it to the river where we would embark on a raft ending at the mouth of the Pacific. (Although, once I saw the wide mouth of the river opening into the Pacific, I thought paddling that would be more fun. I just heard about a group of girls kayaking around Taiwan that just passed Hualien. Seriously, why don't I ever get ideas like this?) My Hong Kong friends and I decided to share a raft and went through the necessary training, which consisted of us not listening to a word that was said to us in Mandarin whilst speaking in English about Saturday Night Live and Obama Care.
I would also like to mention that by this time I started to realize that I was the only Caucasian among hundreds of Asians. Yes, I'm living in Asia. And that's usual. But, normally when I do something touristy, there are at least a handful of Indo-European folks that help minimize the awkward stares. But, no. Today, it was just me. That should also have been a warning sign for what would soon ensue.
Alright, so we finally are waved to a raft. We were basically the last ones, because we never knew what was going on and just followed the people in front of us. WHICH HAPPENED TO BE HALF OF CHINA! Pretty sure China isn't just making up population statistics to win the 'most humans' award. Thankfully they had visual demonstrations to show us how to sit ON and STRADDLE the boat. Yeah, one of our legs dangles over the side of the raft. (warning sign #2. I just assumed there was a standard way to raft since every time I've rafted, it's been the same (even in Thailand...so, it's international.))
No. Nothing was standard about this.
I'll give my reasoning first: So many people want to raft down this river, and there aren't enough guides to fill every boat. Most Asians, bless their hearts, love adventure...but, not extreme. So, in order to accommodate the thousands that go down the river during the course of one day, they simplify it as best they can.
Observation: although this was a rafting trip, I'm pretty sure I was the only one wearing a swimsuit. Okay, there were a few overly prepared people in wet suits. But, I was surprised with the number of people wearing jeans. Not shorts. I'm talking to the ankle jeans. (Asians also have a fear of the sun and extreme trust issues with sunscreen.)
Exhibit A:
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| Maybe about an inch of skin is visible on everyone in that raft. |
Next, we pick-up the rafts and carry it into the river and despite the scorching hot seats, we sit. But, there is no guide. (Bummer, because they were dark and attractive...and the last guide in Thailand wanted me to kiss him...which I regretted not doing. ;) YOLO!) Warning sign #3.
I was about to discover the Asian version of White-Water rafting...
I quickly realized that my cohorts in the raft with me had no idea how to paddle. Maybe that was something that they mentioned during the instructional portion so, understandable. But, looking around, it was obvious that the message didn't get through...or maybe they weren't speaking Mandarin at all. Most rafts were basically playing paddle war, clanking paddles together which then progressed quickly into a splash war. It was a wonder that we were all still going the same direction albeit, we should probably thank the current for that. I proceeded to give my friends the basics about paddling in a rhythm and about to explain how to paddle when we were literally ramped by a raft. Literally. ...and you still have no idea what I'm describing. Remember the guides that are mysteriously missing from our boats? Well, they are now in rafts all of their own...with motors. They are speeding all around us, splashing the hundreds of Asians and one Caucasian as we aimlessly paddle wherever the current leads us. AND, when we get to close to a tricky spot, shore, canyon, rocks, a 'guide' will yank up his boat full throttle and slam right into our rafts. It's hilarious. We're just floating along and then we have seconds to duck inside our boat as the boat ramps and lodges itself over our boat to push us into the path with the others.
This is how we rafted-down the ChicketyCherryCola River. Oh, it was also a constant splash fest since we really didn't have to use our paddles to actually paddle. Raft retaliated against raft in the battle of the splash. Alliances were made and those who didn't fall in because they were caught off guard from splashing and missed the side swipe of the guide's rafts were considered victors. And new battles commenced. I felt like I was in 6th grade at the community swimming pool in Flippin, Arkansas (YES, it's a real place) with splash wars where the girls teamed up against the guys and inevitably lost. I totally redeemed myself today. Asians were desperately searching for the English words of mercy that they knew...and all quickly learned, that I still don't speak Chinese!
So, yeah. White-water rafting in Taiwan - a cross between bumper cars, cattle herding, and that epic water fight everyone has when they finish their first year of middle school.
Loved every minute of it.
Taiwan, you are my soul-mate!
