White-water rafting adventure - the Asian way.

My life keeps on evolving (technically, I guess everything is).  I use this phrase, because I don't like to say that 'this adventure is ending' or 'I'm moving on' because no adventure ever ends but rather proceeds forward as if a passage that opens into a vast foyer with an endless array of enchanting corridors to explore.  I never know which hall I'll wander through next and maybe eventually I'll find a secret door that opens up to preceding scenes with the opportunity for a fresh exploration.

Since I'll be leaving Taiwan, I decided I needed to glory in the lusciousness of the island with one final hoo-rah.  I had a few options, and although my original plan fell through (no it wasn't swimming with sharks...that was Plan F), plan B was just as amiable.

Friday night I made arrangements to go white-water rafting down the Xiuguluan (in case you are like me and have no idea how to pronounce it, you can just say: the ChickityChinatheChineseChickLaun) river.  (they understand...)  Anyways, I enjoy white-water rafting.  I wouldn't say I'm an expert by any means.  But, I did grow up in Arkansas, the natural state, (said like you should actually know what that means) famous for the white-river, buffalo river, Arkanas river, and et al. (humor me. It's been a year since I finished grad school and haven't written an academic paper since).  The best experience rafting was in CA down the Truckee river with 4+ rapids and awesome guides that taught us how to paddle through or duck inside, while they made balancing on a raft seem like reading a book in a hammock.  (Only a really skilled person can claim mastery of the hammock). (Side note: I bought a hammock in Cambodia!)

 Okay, so back in Taiwan, I caught a bus and found a lovely group of people from Hong Kong heading to the river with me.  They helped translate for me, although they technically don't speak Mandarin.  Let's get this cultural lesson over with: In Hong Kong, people speak Cantonese.  But, since it's almost technically China (as of the 70s with fulfillment in 2040s) many of them can understand Mandarin.  However, Taiwan (also in a territorial dispute with China) speaks traditional Mandarin which is slightly different than simplified Chinese spoken in China China (and possibly by the Chinese ChickLaun).  SO, basically really none of us understood what was going on.  (and really, world? I think just trying to figure out this crazy planet is more difficult than maneuvering a category 5 rapid.)

After a lovely drive down the coast of Taiwan, we made it to the river where we would embark on a raft ending at the mouth of the Pacific. (Although, once I saw the wide mouth of the river opening into the Pacific, I thought paddling that would be more fun. I just heard about a group of girls kayaking around Taiwan that just passed Hualien. Seriously, why don't I ever get ideas like this?)  My Hong Kong friends and I decided to share a raft and went through the necessary training, which consisted of us not listening to a word that was said to us in Mandarin whilst speaking in English about Saturday Night Live and Obama Care.

I would also like to mention that by this time I started to realize that I was the only Caucasian among hundreds of Asians.  Yes, I'm living in Asia. And that's usual.  But, normally when I do something touristy, there are at least a handful of Indo-European folks that help minimize the awkward stares. But, no. Today, it was just me.  That should also have been a warning sign for what would soon ensue.

Alright, so we finally are waved to a raft.  We were basically the last ones, because we never knew what was going on and just followed the people in front of us.  WHICH HAPPENED TO BE HALF OF CHINA! Pretty sure China isn't just making up population statistics to win the 'most humans' award.  Thankfully they had visual demonstrations to show us how to sit ON and STRADDLE the boat. Yeah, one of our legs dangles over the side of the raft.  (warning sign #2.  I just assumed there was a standard way to raft since every time I've rafted, it's been the same (even in Thailand...so, it's international.))

No. Nothing was standard about this.

I'll give my reasoning first: So many people want to raft down this river, and there aren't enough guides to fill every boat.  Most Asians, bless their hearts, love adventure...but, not extreme.  So, in order to accommodate the thousands that go down the river during the course of one day, they simplify it as best they can.

Observation: although this was a rafting trip, I'm pretty sure I was the only one wearing a swimsuit.  Okay, there were a few overly prepared people in wet suits.  But, I was surprised with the number of people wearing jeans.  Not shorts.  I'm talking to the ankle jeans.  (Asians also have a fear of the sun and extreme trust issues with sunscreen.) 

Exhibit A:

Maybe about an inch of skin is visible on everyone in that raft.

Next, we pick-up the rafts and carry it into the river and despite the scorching hot seats, we sit.  But, there is no guide. (Bummer, because they were dark and attractive...and the last guide in Thailand wanted me to kiss him...which I regretted not doing. ;) YOLO!) Warning sign #3. 

I was about to discover the Asian version of White-Water rafting...

I quickly realized that my cohorts in the raft with me had no idea how to paddle.  Maybe that was something that they mentioned during the instructional portion so, understandable. But, looking around, it was obvious that the message didn't get through...or maybe they weren't speaking Mandarin at all.  Most rafts were basically playing paddle war, clanking paddles together which then progressed quickly into a splash war.  It was a wonder that we were all still going the same direction albeit, we should probably thank the current for that.  I proceeded to give my friends the basics about paddling in a rhythm and about to explain how to paddle when we were literally ramped by a raft.  Literally. ...and you still have no idea what I'm describing.  Remember the guides that are mysteriously missing from our boats?  Well, they are now in rafts all of their own...with motors.  They are speeding all around us, splashing the hundreds of Asians and one Caucasian as we aimlessly paddle wherever the current leads us.  AND, when we get to close to a tricky spot, shore, canyon, rocks, a 'guide' will yank up his boat full throttle and slam right into our rafts.  It's hilarious.  We're just floating along and then we have seconds to duck inside our boat as the boat ramps and lodges itself over our boat to push us into the path with the others. 

This is how we rafted-down the ChicketyCherryCola River.  Oh, it was also a constant splash fest since we really didn't have to use our paddles to actually paddle.  Raft retaliated against raft in the battle of the splash.  Alliances were made and those who didn't fall in because they were caught off guard from splashing and missed the side swipe of the guide's rafts were considered victors.  And new battles commenced.  I felt like I was in 6th grade at the community swimming pool in Flippin, Arkansas (YES, it's a real place) with splash wars where the girls teamed up against the guys and inevitably lost.  I totally redeemed myself today.  Asians were desperately searching for the English words of mercy that they knew...and all quickly learned, that I still don't speak Chinese!

So, yeah.  White-water rafting in Taiwan - a cross between bumper cars, cattle herding, and that epic water fight everyone has when they finish their first year of middle school.

Loved every minute of it.

Taiwan, you are my soul-mate!

Never accept gifts from a Taiwanese grandma!

So, I've been meaning to post...but, I have so many crazy stories I don't know where to begin.  Therefore, I will carpe diem and write about it.  Literally...today. July 14, 2014.  I know some of you might be disappointed and want to read about adventures petting Tigers in Thailand or diving in the reefs at Kho Tao...but...I'll seize that some other day.

Sundays are by far my most favorite days for so many reasons.  Church, Covenants, Friends, and Mormons are kind of awesome! Basically spending the day with 100+ of the coolest people in Hualien (or wherever I happen to be)  = happiness!

Here's what happened today.

After church, I've been volunteering as a piano teacher to anyone who has fingers and desire (not that you have to have fingers to play, but I told them that is all they needed to come, but I could make adaptations. So far everyone has fingers...although I have to remind many of them that the thumb counts as a finger as well!).  I've had Asian students before, but this was a group class and most of them don't speak English so it's 10x as fun!  I'm super impressed with what they have accomplished!  Many can already play a few simplified hymns and others are learning a few simplified arrangements of the classics (Western pieces). 

My Taiwanese grandma has also been attending lessons.  She doesn't always look at the music and plays a lot of the time by ear.  So, although she might be in the wrong key, she totally gets something.  However, she hates scales (she's one who refuses to use her thumbs...or really any more than 4 fingers to play (both hands)).  After 2 weeks of encouraging them to play a few simple scales, and her futile protests, she humbly led me downstairs to present me a gift (It was a black skirt); this time it was my time to protest.  But, you see...she's a grandma...and grandmas always get their way.  There's also this thing called a 'language barrier' and suddenly I'm back in Bulgaria where 'no' means 'yes' and 'yes' means 'no'.  (An effective strategy to deal with an invasion by the Ottomans as well as young reluctant piano teachers who just want you to practice scales.  Is this a bribe?)

Before I continue, let me introduce you to Grandma Si Do (Yeah, we use solfege ;) )

From my very first week, this sweet little lady would give me big hugs after church and tell me "I love you", basically the only English she knows.  Even without translators, it's obvious this lady is smart, kind, full of love, life, and happiness!  Typical to grandma form, she's superwoman.  I've hiked with her on our church children's hike, and she basically does what she wants.  The very next Sunday after this awkward gift exchange, she snuck me down stairs in between classes to where the children were having snack time.  (I HAD NO IDEA THEY DID THIS!)  She just walked up to the teachers, flashed them a smile, grabbed some guava and a handful of lychee and shared them with me.  I'm pretty sure she does this every week.

The next week, she again sneaks me downstairs.  This time I had sought advice, and was told the best thing to do was just accept and be grateful.  It was her ability to give that brought her happiness -  another reason why I love this sweet grandma!  But, It is possible that she worked for the Taiwanese Secret Service, because there is something mysterious about the whole process: she keeps putting her index finger up to her lips, checks the halls to see that no one is watching, and hides in the 'closet' when presenting me with a bag, then signals for me to hide it...almost like a drug deal...but we are in church...and I'm given a massive bag of 2nd-hand clothes.  The bag was full of pretty eclectic tops that all reminded me of my grandma back in Arkansas and her passion for thrift stores. 

I modeled a few:

Well, a few weeks passed, I went to Hong Kong, Thailand, Cambodia, and Taipei.  It took about another week to get the piano class back into the routine of things.  However, today after church she came up to me with this sly look on her face and flashed an even bigger smile when she hugged me.    Immediately I was the center of a plot to forever seal my fate and destiny to the island of Taiwan. Grandma Si Do seized the day to propose on behalf of her son, whom I have never met.  She proceeded to arrange my next week with dinners, rides to her house, and details of how strong, attractive, hard-working [insert every other amiable quality to be desired in a man here] her son is. 

I was sitting next to my friend, Apple who spoke English.  I feel like it is also pertinent that this was precious Apple's first day attending church and has now become the translator of an arranged Mormon wedding.

I managed to escape briefly by retreating to the Bishop's office.  But, I was found again and thankfully there were nice Elders willing to translate and finalize the details of our wedding...in an hour after our piano class. (Can this get any more awkward?)

She tried to make light of the fact that he didn't show up by inviting me over for dinner and giving me a banana.  But, now that this guy has already stood up his betrothed at the altar (aka piano bench), I'm not sure if can give him even a first chance.  I mean, I guess if he has a really cool name like Earnest. (Who's gonna get that reference? And yes, I don't even know his name. Romantic?)

The good news:
I have a skirt...and some pretty classy clothes that can substitute for a wedding dress. 
I'm deciding between either Fluffy Sparkly - Blue Sweater or Shoulder Pads and Hidden Buttons - Red Blazer.  Your votes count.

AND SERIOUSLY. 

GREEN IS THE COLOR OF HAPPINESS!

So, I should probably stop letting the adventures fly by without first attempting to chronicle the awesomeness. I’ll try to catch up, but just know that Taiwan is the place to go if you want to pretend you have the coolest life in the world.

For example, when I run in the mornings, or in the afternoons, or even for that matter when I’m just walking downtown, I feel like Rocky. (seriously, people want to take my picture. I can't decide if it's because I'm white, a girl, or I have a ridiculously large booger hanging out of my nose.)

(This was a legit 10k for church…please ignore the sweaty mess I am, it's pretty much normal.)

Picture Rocky II but in Taiwan (so no American flags…and me with a whole lot less muscle. (Wow, flashbacks to high school…no, I’m not that old…but, what does every band play 200 trillion times during the 4th quarter of the football game, hello.)

People look up from their fields, onion chucking, porches, scooters whatever and yell, smile, and wave AND I feel like I could sucker punch Putin in the face. Literally, when I get back in the mornings the kids want to tackle me or hug me and I’m nasty and gross and drowning in sweat and really just need to shower. Isn’t that great about kids! I don’t have to shower, wear makeup, do my hair, and I could wear a rainbow outfit to class and THEY’D STILL THINK I WAS THE BEE’s KNEES!! (I still shower…sometimes)

Anyways, this super-star ego boost inspired an adventurous 3-day weekend in April to Taiwan’s Green island! And since every weekend in Taiwan has been magical, we decided to take a 3 am train south to catch a boat to explore Taiwan’s Green Island. At first, I thought it would be fun to go somewhere international, but our boss handled all the arrangements for us. So, in the end EASY won and although in my mind I had envisioned castaway (just w/o Tom Hanks - otherwise, I'd be all up for it!) I finally adopted the: “what’s the worst that could happen?” philosophy. And seriously, the odds weren’t terribly discouraging: We find a volleyball and I can finally swim well enough to do a triathlon. Bring it on, Castaway.

After a sleepless night, we arrived at the port at sunrise (3 am train and all) and made some new English-speaking friends who were also waiting on a boat! As people started to crowd in, our anticipation grew! I was surprised at how many foreigners there were. I realized I might have slightly underestimated this island as fellow English-Teachers enthusiastically praised the scenes we would soon be enjoying. But, first, we had to brave the barge.

Minutes before the barf barge.

And, I’ll just paraphrase the next part for the faint-hearted. No matter what that boat was Christened and how lovely it might have been, it is now and will forever be immortalized in my memory as the “barf barge.” I thought mornings were a descent time to travel on the ocean. WRONG. There might have been 3 out of at least 100 people who managed to not waste their breakfast that morning…if you know what I’m saying. Thankfully, it wasn’t stinky. AND, I have a new found respect for Magellan, Columbus, Darwin, American Pilgrims, penguins stuck on a floating/shrinking piece of ice caused by global warming, etc. We were only on the boat for like 50 minutes. Thankfully we found a great spot next to an experienced Buddhist native who had made the trip many times. (He was one of the 3.) He told us the trick was to stare at the horizon, but the WaVeS wErE sO cHoPpY and the BOat was SO boUNcy that it was nearly impossible. At first it was kind of humorous (maybe, I’m a little sadistic) to watch the people drop like flies or run to the bathroom. AND THEN, I. WANTED. TO. DIE. I almost jumped into the port when our boat stopped I was so ready to get on land again.

But then I beheld what they meant by Green Island or as I’d like to state in my most favorite colored cliche ever: The Emerald Isle! (Please say with as much fanfare mixed with mystery, and your arms must do the flare thing) My amazement increased exponentially and I was completely recovered by the time we met this adorable guy, our bed and breakfast host. Although he might have really been looking for any Laura, we took our chances and followed him, anyway.

Any Laura - Follow Me!

And the other Lauras missed out, because he was the real deal. He found us electric bikes, the most adorable scuba diving instructor, and even introduced us to the local pet reindeer. Oh, and then there was the time when he actually found us when our electric bikes stopped working (2x).

How about we turn this into an electric bike!

Let's just share our breakfast with the reindeer.

SO, we went right into exploration mode. Basically Green Island is the Australia of Taiwan just without kangaroos and 200 trillion times smaller. It was where the Taiwanese exiles were sent. You could probably bike (electric, unless you’re Lance Armstrong and taking steroids…it’s mountainous) around the island in 2 hours unless you are ADD like us and have to stop at every tree that’s green or every rock that kind of looks like it’s made of stone, or whenever the waves wave…

It was pretty much my dream vacation - a tropical island, hot springs, hiking, biking (don't be fooled, an electric bike battery doesn't last forever…), meeting people from all over the world, and great food! We discovered waterfalls, lagoons, and baby mountain goats!! (Do yourself a favor and watch Buttermilk the goat on youtube right now) Oh, and we went snorkeling! The reefs were stunningly beautiful and the fish were wild!

Any friends that are secretly con-artists? Can you possibly include me on your next gig? I would seriously rob a bank to get sent here. Or Australia…

So, yes there was a natural hot springs, caves (so naturally, spelunking happened), and we hiked up beautiful waterfalls only to discover even more enchanting hidden waterfalls! And just about every where we went we made new friends from China, India, Singapore, Indonesia, Germany, the States, and EVEN UKRAINE (technically he was living in the Netherlands, but we totally spoke some Russian at dinner and freaked everyone out! Mostly because they feel like I do that PUTIN IS INSANE. I should have a blog dedicated to the idiocy of that man.)

Enjoy some pictures that inadequately capture the bliss to be found on this island.

Oh, I didn't mention this charming little light house.

Sleeping Beauty Rock! Hint: Her head is attached to the island.

SO, yeah. Rule # 3,782 to enjoy life: Live it Up!

There was still so much to do, but we had barge #2 to take back. We decided to stay on top of the boat and experience the fresh air. It was the middle of the afternoon, and it turned into a photo session with students on break and friends from other far away countries. AND NO ONE THREW UP!! I AM NOW MASTER OF THE SEA!

I still need to mention that time we turned a charter bus into a karaoke bus…and didn’t stop for 4 hours. Oh, and earthquakes - I’m so clueless.

But, let’s just all take a moment to relish in the pulchritude (P WORD OF THE MONTH!!) of the color GREEN!

Our sunrise adventure (and electric bike failure!)

World, Have a great week!