It's not dirty...but, that's my underwear...hanging outside your window.

So, my life isn't as glamorous as some may think.  True, I have enjoyed many different cities throughout the world.  But, I think this post will highlight a less-than polished perspective of the mundane moments I have endured whilst traveling.

Inevitably, when you are least prepared the worst happens.  Sometimes it's the inability to prepare (first example) and sometimes it's just optimism (second).

I have travelled extensively for the past few years and I cannot even remember when my checked-luggage was late.  There was that one time I missed my plane to Kyiv and my luggage actually arrived BEFORE I DID.  Let's talk about being betrayed by efficiency.  I had to heckle with customs officers for hours in my broken Ukrainian and their broken English (this was my first trip to UA) in order to finally retrieve it.  There's nothing that beats jet-lag after a ridiculously long international flight, than the first introduction to Ukrainian bathrooms and 'card-board' toilet paper, OR the arbitrary lines formed in post-soviet countries to avoid waiting but instead become an endless maze that even the most skillful navigator who upon reaching the surface will find that the 'exit' is temporarily closed whilst the passport officer has his/her 15-min bathroom break, OR an over-bearing 'welcome' from an unhappy and corrupt customs worker who I now realize probably made me wait for hours thinking he could get a bribe out of the new American whose luggage was sitting just behind his desk wrapped in cellophane. What he didn't count on was my extreme naivety.  (that was then...now, $10 otta do it...or increase by $5s...oh, and it's called a "tip" not a bribe.) Yeah, thanks to Ukraine, I grew up fast.  That was just the first day but it didn't tarnish my trip too much since I keep going back!

And now that brings us to present day.  Only slightly reversed.

Usually for a long trip, I'll sufficiently pack a carry-on with all the essentials.  But, my optimism and excitement for a 14-hour layover in Vienna made me disregard all travel-blogs as I thought about enjoying Strudel and a concert in Mozart's flirtatious city.

Hello, Vienna! Took this picture of the Riesenrad while biking through Leopoldstadt.

I could store a bag in a locker, but really? When was the last time I didn't get my luggage?  (Actually, I remember now...Ukraine 2 years ago...had a nice "tip" to pay when it was finally found...But, I certainly didn't remember that with visions of Vienna circulating throughout my head).  Therefore, I 'threw all caution to the wind' as I optimistically packed my magical Thai sling-bag with travel size toothpaste, makeup, water-bottle, i-pad, an umbrella (because I at least headed the advice of the weather man...WHO WAS WRONG.  Go figure. Try to be prepared and it's useless. Don't prepare and armageddon starts.)  and my running shoes (yes, I cannot bear to not have them for one day...and yes, I will run in 100 COUNTRIES before I die.  Unless I die prematurely...in that case, please see my funeral instructions for details: Amy's Funeral Pyre), and of course the necessary clothing allowance.  (Thai sling-bags are essentially the precursor to the carpet-bag, which the charming Marry Poppins transcendentally flaunted for the entire-world to revere.)

The fact that my trip to Vienna, which this post will not portray, was practically perfect, made the particular coincidence on this said occasion of which my luggage got stuck in Vienna -  despite the 17 hours in which a semi-observant person working for Vienna airlines could have figured out what to do with 2 abandoned black bags - only a minor nuisance and not the supreme tragedy it could have been.  Although, the 2 hours it took after arriving at 3:30 am in Yerevan to locate my lost luggage was slightly irritating (irritation caused from sleep-deprivation mostly and REMEMBER THOSE ARBITRARY POST-SOVIET LINES...yeah, those came in to play again.)

More Vienna...I think the church has re-branded itself.
I didn't know H&M was Catholic?
History Lesson: This church was constructed to honor the survival of Franz Joseph
from a knife-attack...how many assassins did these emperors endure before WWI?

Assured my luggage would most-likely arrive the next day, I made it to my apartment and slept a few hours before going to work.  That was Wednesday.  Luggage was promised to be delivered on Thursday.  And, I had a recruitment trip on Friday.  With only one spare change of clothes (one of which was strictly for exercise and a cultural faux pas to wear anywhere in Eastern Europe or Eurasia for anything else but exercising...yes, American college students, you don't actually have to wear gym clothes to class...in fact you may be shunned if you do.) I prudently decided to do some laundry.  Yes, it was in my sink...but, when living in hotels across Eastern Europe doesn't come without learning a few tricks.  Especially since laundry-mats are a novelty and as rare as the truth in a Kremlin media-release. 

That is where this story reaches it's apparent climax.  My apartment is situated on the 10th floor close to Yerevan's center.  My windows look out over a busy street, with stunning views of the opera house, Soviet-Mother Armenia, the Ferris wheel all lit up at night, and the Cascades.  It is out one of those windows that I hung, evidently not so securely, my laundry to dry for the night.  Waking up at an unquestionably early hour whether from my body trying to familiarize itself with it's new time-zone or an illuminating realization that my underwear was hanging outside a 10-story window, I felt I should be concerned.  Now, it wasn't torrential and I wasn't ashamed of lining up bras and socks to drip-dry, but even a slight sigh at 10-stories is enough to whip a pigeon in circles.  I rushed to my window to rescue my laundry!  The breezy-morning had taken its toll but I was able to retrieve all but the most pertinent part to every-day attire...you know...the underthing...undies...my loin cloth.

Yeah, it was gone...but, in the radiant light of the sunrise I spotted it precariously perched on my 9th-floor neighbors line.  Watching in disbelief, wishing for one arm to be 9 feet longer, I waited for another gust of wind to come along and take them all the way down so I could at least run down to the street to pick them up off the side-walk.  I was not about to introduce myself to my neighbors in broken Russian and have to explain what my underwear was doing on their balcony.  But, I'm still waiting.

Yerevan!

Oh, and Happy Independence Day, Armenia!!

GREEN IS THE COLOR OF HAPPINESS!

So, I should probably stop letting the adventures fly by without first attempting to chronicle the awesomeness. I’ll try to catch up, but just know that Taiwan is the place to go if you want to pretend you have the coolest life in the world.

For example, when I run in the mornings, or in the afternoons, or even for that matter when I’m just walking downtown, I feel like Rocky. (seriously, people want to take my picture. I can't decide if it's because I'm white, a girl, or I have a ridiculously large booger hanging out of my nose.)

(This was a legit 10k for church…please ignore the sweaty mess I am, it's pretty much normal.)

Picture Rocky II but in Taiwan (so no American flags…and me with a whole lot less muscle. (Wow, flashbacks to high school…no, I’m not that old…but, what does every band play 200 trillion times during the 4th quarter of the football game, hello.)

People look up from their fields, onion chucking, porches, scooters whatever and yell, smile, and wave AND I feel like I could sucker punch Putin in the face. Literally, when I get back in the mornings the kids want to tackle me or hug me and I’m nasty and gross and drowning in sweat and really just need to shower. Isn’t that great about kids! I don’t have to shower, wear makeup, do my hair, and I could wear a rainbow outfit to class and THEY’D STILL THINK I WAS THE BEE’s KNEES!! (I still shower…sometimes)

Anyways, this super-star ego boost inspired an adventurous 3-day weekend in April to Taiwan’s Green island! And since every weekend in Taiwan has been magical, we decided to take a 3 am train south to catch a boat to explore Taiwan’s Green Island. At first, I thought it would be fun to go somewhere international, but our boss handled all the arrangements for us. So, in the end EASY won and although in my mind I had envisioned castaway (just w/o Tom Hanks - otherwise, I'd be all up for it!) I finally adopted the: “what’s the worst that could happen?” philosophy. And seriously, the odds weren’t terribly discouraging: We find a volleyball and I can finally swim well enough to do a triathlon. Bring it on, Castaway.

After a sleepless night, we arrived at the port at sunrise (3 am train and all) and made some new English-speaking friends who were also waiting on a boat! As people started to crowd in, our anticipation grew! I was surprised at how many foreigners there were. I realized I might have slightly underestimated this island as fellow English-Teachers enthusiastically praised the scenes we would soon be enjoying. But, first, we had to brave the barge.

Minutes before the barf barge.

And, I’ll just paraphrase the next part for the faint-hearted. No matter what that boat was Christened and how lovely it might have been, it is now and will forever be immortalized in my memory as the “barf barge.” I thought mornings were a descent time to travel on the ocean. WRONG. There might have been 3 out of at least 100 people who managed to not waste their breakfast that morning…if you know what I’m saying. Thankfully, it wasn’t stinky. AND, I have a new found respect for Magellan, Columbus, Darwin, American Pilgrims, penguins stuck on a floating/shrinking piece of ice caused by global warming, etc. We were only on the boat for like 50 minutes. Thankfully we found a great spot next to an experienced Buddhist native who had made the trip many times. (He was one of the 3.) He told us the trick was to stare at the horizon, but the WaVeS wErE sO cHoPpY and the BOat was SO boUNcy that it was nearly impossible. At first it was kind of humorous (maybe, I’m a little sadistic) to watch the people drop like flies or run to the bathroom. AND THEN, I. WANTED. TO. DIE. I almost jumped into the port when our boat stopped I was so ready to get on land again.

But then I beheld what they meant by Green Island or as I’d like to state in my most favorite colored cliche ever: The Emerald Isle! (Please say with as much fanfare mixed with mystery, and your arms must do the flare thing) My amazement increased exponentially and I was completely recovered by the time we met this adorable guy, our bed and breakfast host. Although he might have really been looking for any Laura, we took our chances and followed him, anyway.

Any Laura - Follow Me!

And the other Lauras missed out, because he was the real deal. He found us electric bikes, the most adorable scuba diving instructor, and even introduced us to the local pet reindeer. Oh, and then there was the time when he actually found us when our electric bikes stopped working (2x).

How about we turn this into an electric bike!

Let's just share our breakfast with the reindeer.

SO, we went right into exploration mode. Basically Green Island is the Australia of Taiwan just without kangaroos and 200 trillion times smaller. It was where the Taiwanese exiles were sent. You could probably bike (electric, unless you’re Lance Armstrong and taking steroids…it’s mountainous) around the island in 2 hours unless you are ADD like us and have to stop at every tree that’s green or every rock that kind of looks like it’s made of stone, or whenever the waves wave…

It was pretty much my dream vacation - a tropical island, hot springs, hiking, biking (don't be fooled, an electric bike battery doesn't last forever…), meeting people from all over the world, and great food! We discovered waterfalls, lagoons, and baby mountain goats!! (Do yourself a favor and watch Buttermilk the goat on youtube right now) Oh, and we went snorkeling! The reefs were stunningly beautiful and the fish were wild!

Any friends that are secretly con-artists? Can you possibly include me on your next gig? I would seriously rob a bank to get sent here. Or Australia…

So, yes there was a natural hot springs, caves (so naturally, spelunking happened), and we hiked up beautiful waterfalls only to discover even more enchanting hidden waterfalls! And just about every where we went we made new friends from China, India, Singapore, Indonesia, Germany, the States, and EVEN UKRAINE (technically he was living in the Netherlands, but we totally spoke some Russian at dinner and freaked everyone out! Mostly because they feel like I do that PUTIN IS INSANE. I should have a blog dedicated to the idiocy of that man.)

Enjoy some pictures that inadequately capture the bliss to be found on this island.

Oh, I didn't mention this charming little light house.

Sleeping Beauty Rock! Hint: Her head is attached to the island.

SO, yeah. Rule # 3,782 to enjoy life: Live it Up!

There was still so much to do, but we had barge #2 to take back. We decided to stay on top of the boat and experience the fresh air. It was the middle of the afternoon, and it turned into a photo session with students on break and friends from other far away countries. AND NO ONE THREW UP!! I AM NOW MASTER OF THE SEA!

I still need to mention that time we turned a charter bus into a karaoke bus…and didn’t stop for 4 hours. Oh, and earthquakes - I’m so clueless.

But, let’s just all take a moment to relish in the pulchritude (P WORD OF THE MONTH!!) of the color GREEN!

Our sunrise adventure (and electric bike failure!)

World, Have a great week!